The Life and Struggles of a Bipolar Snob: I Got the Blues...

Baby blues that is! For the past 6 years I've entertained the thought of having another child...I know you just gasped and clutched your pearls but simmer down. I know I joke about my children all growing up and leaving the nest soon and don't get me wrong I am still EXCITED about that and look forward to the day.

I don't apologize for being a woman of 40 (well I'll be 40 in August) and having young adults.
I was 16 when Jonathan came to live with my family, when I moved out at 17/18ish, he came with me. Jonathan is now 24, when I turned 21 he became a permanent part of my small family. My ex-husband and I married when I was 22 but by that time Jeffery, who will be 21 in a couple of days was here and our darling little diva LaNeecha who is now 18 was 5 months old. My little diva was actually carried down the isle by my mom and she had on the prettiest white and lace dress (her christening gown, I was cheap even back then!) So now I'm doing the ding dong my nest is empty dance and that's because I'm excited. I'm excited about who my young adults will become! I am excited about the great things they will do and all the wonderful accomplishments they will enjoy. I know life for them won't be perfect and I will be here to support them, pray for them, encourage them and help them. BUT yes I think about another baby!

The problem is though...See what had happened was...I got my tubes tied and in 2006 I was all set to get them undone and it happened!!! I changed my mind. That's the second regret I have, the first was tying them to begin with. But such as life. Now I'm on a mission to get-er-done by 41. Some may call it mission impossible but I didn't them so whatever!!! I'm 39 now and I have 6 months until my 40th, so instead of throwing the bday party of the century, I'm going to quietly save the money to cover the cost of surgery, and drop a few pounds in the next 6 months. In August I'll set my appointment for the procedure and continue to stack the cash. In March of 2014 I'll have my surgery!!! So while yall are sunbathing on the beach during spring break I'll be recovering.

Before you ask, NO I'm not manic right now and YES I think this is realistic and doable. I am not naive, I do no my chances of becoming pregnant are lower than someone younger, I know all the risks and yadayadayada. When my ex-husband and I made this decision, it was based on the fact that we were suppose to still be married, we had our two boys and our girl and we were suppose to be done. Well the marriage failed, I gave up my option to have more babies, and he went on...but I digress.

I may NEVER have another baby and if I don't I'll live I promise! I just want the option back, I want MY option back. It's as simple as that. Some may call it the baby blues, some may say my biological clock is ticking, but it's as simple as wanting my ability to give birth back before it is permanently laid to rest by mother nature. Now will I be posting *Look at my New Baby* pictures on here...who knows. But until then here's a picture of the babies God has already blessed me with.